What's so scary about letting go?

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Over the past few years, I've been practicing Letting Go. It feels horrible - harsh, disloyal, rude, unkind, selfish.... all the way until I actually DO it. Then, it feels like freedom, relief, energy, goodness, and aliveness. 

So, I'm on a journey to let go a whole h*ck of a lot sooner, and trust my gut to do so. 

When I was in college in the late 80s (yes, I'm totally owning being 52), I started dating this guy we'll call "Dave". I'm not even sure how we started dating - it seems like he wanted to date me, and I didn't know how to say no, and so we just kept hanging out together, of his volition.

Months went by, and I felt my energy dropping day by day, until one day he received in the mail (yes, snail mail) my father's idea of a hilarious joke, the "suitor evaluation form".

My dad liked to send this form to anyone who even looked at me sideways, and it contained serious questions such as, "Do you eat the skins on your baked potatoes?" and "What is your highest level of education: potty training, pre-kindergarten, PhD? (choose only one)."

When Dave received this letter, he did not enjoy my dad's sense of humor. In fact, he was so angry, he gave me a lengthy lecture about it, sitting me down in a chair while he paced back and forth talking, and talking, and talking... By the time he was finished, I had reached the final straw and knew it was time to break up with him.

I was practically levitating out of my chair with happiness afterward. I had a class with Dave's roommate later that day, and when I came bounding into class, he said to me, "You look really happy today. What happened? .... Oh, I bet you broke up with Dave, didn't you?" Was it that obvious?

This has been a pattern in my life:

- maintaining loyalty to others and situations, even when my heart and my gut tell me that I'm not enjoying myself

- making sure I have a lengthy laundry list of logical reasons that justify my decision.

It's only been recently that "I don't like it" or "this doesn't feel good" have been reason enough for me to fix something, change something, or LEAVE something.

And, what I'm finding is that, when I do leave a yuck situation, more often than not the relationship IMPROVES with the other person. Being honest about what I like and don't like, moving away from what I don't like, turns out to be freeing for everyone. 

I'm discovering that boundaries do mean "the distance at which I can love both you and me." And that the adage is true, "If you love someone, let them go". 

In fact, beginning relationships with potential exit strategies in mind is a free, fulfilling, honorable way to begin.

Who cares if you're an imposter?
Selfish generosity - the best of all worlds


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