Silence as your coaching partner

Guess how long people listen before jumping in? They might ask a question, start telling their own story, or start saying, "Yeah, uh-huh!"

Would you guess thirty seconds? A full minute?

Nope. Try 18 seconds.

Which of us has ever been listened to for a full minute? What about 5 full minutes? What breakthroughs might be possible if you heard yourself think and feel in that kind of loving presence?

George T. Wolff, MD, teaches family medicine. Speaking of the doctor/patient relationship, he says that, “The patient normally speaks for an average of 18 seconds before the doctor interrupts, but if the doctor lets them speak for three to four minutes, they tell you 90 percent of what's wrong with them.”

That's why coaches often use the acronym W.A.I.T.: "Why Am I Talking?"

In coaching, it's not that people will tell us what's wrong with them, but they might do something even more profound. They might tell us what's RIGHT with them. They might tell us their deepest desires and dreams - held in a space that tells them their wants and needs are valid, right, and beautiful.

Beyond just keeping our mouths shut, we can also provide other gifts that loving silence offers. 

We might put our energy into the space between us - maybe we fill the air with an expectant sense of confidence, trust, love, hope, or whatever is needed. 

Maybe we go even deeper, counting on The Great Love to provide everything that both we and our client need for beauty and goodness to emerge. This deep silence is what Leon VanderPol, founder of the Center for Transformational Coaching, calls "Oneness Space." Once you experience it, you'll want to stay there more and more often.