Having Your Own Back: The Radical Art of Believing Yourself

I've got a pretty wonky body because I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is a collagen issue. Things that are meant to be highly elastic (like skin, veins, and the digestive tract) are kind of saggy, like a worn-out rubber band.

That means that I often have mysterious aches and pains. Often the issue really is physical, and I need to drink water, take my magnesium, increase my salt intake, wear good arch support, and put my feet up.

Those are all responsible choices, and I'm not advocating for people to experience any more pain or discomfort than necessary. But some people go too far in the opposite direction, spending tremendous amounts of energy asking, "How can I make this discomfort go away?"

With back pain, one of the questions that helps me shift the focus entirely is:

"What if I have my own back?"

What "Having Your Own Back" Actually Means 

If someone says, "I've got your back," it means that they're looking out for you, the way a soldier would protect a partner from a surprise attack. Any of us would do that for a friend. We're happy to cheer them on, offer support, and keep them from harm's way.

Having my own back - offering that same fierce kindness to myself - is much newer for me. It takes me to the core of the relationship I'm building with myself. We all have discomfort, in the form of physical back pain, or loneliness, or just being cranky. When we try to fix ourselves, without even realizing it, we're abandoning what's real right now.

Instead, having your own back could look like acknowledging what your body is telling you and giving yourself exactly the back support you need right now in this moment.

Four Practices for Having Your Own Back

• What if next time you experience a strong emotion, instead of immediately explaining why you shouldn't feel that way, you just feel it?
• What if next time you have a genuine desire, instead of instantly building a case for why you don't actually need it, you just feel the desire a bit longer? And even ask what the deeper desire might be.
• What if next time you have some lower back pain, you breathe into it, and find out what else is going on? Maybe your body is feeling a lack of financial support or another basic need that you want to have your own back for?
• What if the next time you feel a clear, somatic NO in your body, instead of questioning whether you're being fair or accommodating enough to everyone else, you sit with the no?

Believing Yourself Without a Trial

I spent decades conditioned to turn scrutiny inward whenever I encountered friction, aversion, or dislike. I convinced myself that if something feels wrong, I must be the one who needs to adapt. To be more forgiving, yield, give more grace, or try harder to see the other perspective.

Now, I'm playing more and more with a mindset shift that used to feel surprisingly radical. What if I just believe myself?

What if my feelings, desires, limits, and repulsions are evidence enough to deserve my attention? What if they don't need to be justified in court before I allow myself to have my own back?

Believing yourself doesn't mean your initial reactions are always absolute facts, or that every emotion dictates your next action. It simply means you stop putting yourself on trial every time something inside of you speaks up, and use curiosity.

At Awaken Coach Institute, this philosophy is central to how we approach coaching and personal growth. Wholeness isn't about finally becoming a version of yourself who has fixed all their issues and has no "stuff" left to work through. Wholeness is about becoming people who refuse to leave themselves when their stuff shows up.

The most powerful commitment you can make in your self-leadership is deciding to stay with who you are today (not just the version of you that will exist once you've healed enough, trained enough, or figured it all out).

Where This Practice Meets Coach Training

Awaken is founded on radical acceptance: the belief that every client arrives already whole, complete, and with the agency to co-create their own life, exactly as they are. That radical acceptance starts with the person doing the coaching. You. In a small, intimate cohort, transformational coach training participants begin that same journey with themselves. You come in to learn a skill set. You leave having done real work on the relationship with yourself, which is the actual instrument you'll be coaching from. That transformation naturally ripples outward from you, and other areas of your life improve alongside it.

The Radical Act of Loving Yourself unpacks why loving yourself steadies your coaching presence instead of pulling from it. The Courage to Be Disliked walks through trusting your body's yes and no, even in the moments it disappoints someone else.

As you navigate your work and life this week, consider carrying this question with you:

How can I have my own back today? (And what might become more effortless if I did?)

Ready to build this practice inside a program designed around it?

Transformational coach training brings together everything you need toward your ICF credential: online coursework, live classes and supervised practice, and one-on-one mentor coaching. (Client coaching hours and the ICF exam are yours to complete independently.) You'll do this work inside a brave, loving community of people co-creating their own worlds, together believing in something greater than themselves.

We run two virtual coach certification trainings each year, one in March and one in September, so there's likely a start date that fits your life as it is right now. Our virtual program carries the full curriculum, live classes, and mentor coaching described above. For those wanting the same training in a spiritually rich, in-person immersion along the Camino del Santiago for two weeks, our Spain Retreat offers the identical ICF accreditation inside a different container. 

FAQ

How does building self-trust make you a better coach?
Self-trust lets a coach stay present with a client's discomfort instead of rushing to fix or smooth it over, because the coach has already practiced sitting with their own. Coaches who practice self-advocacy and autonomy model that same capacity for the people they coach, so the client learns to trust their own judgment by watching it in action.

What makes Awaken's transformational coach training curriculum different?
Awaken's transformational coach training combines ICF Level 1, 2, and 3 accredited coaching competencies with NLP, Internal Family Systems, somatic practice, and emotional integration, so coaches learn to work with a client's whole system: body, emotion, and inner parts together, not language alone. Training happens live in a small, intimate cohort with built-in mentor coaching, so every skill gets practiced and refined with real feedback rather than absorbed alone from a screen.

Why is radical acceptance the foundation of coach training at Awaken?
Radical acceptance means believing a client already holds the wisdom and agency to work through their own life. The moment a coach starts trying to fix a client, the relationship slides into mentoring or consulting, where the coach becomes the expert supplying answers. True coaching holds space for a client to access their own answers, which only works if the coach has already practiced that same trust with themselves.

About the Author

Christi Byerly, MCC, is the founder and CEO of Awaken Coach Institute. Her coaching process motivates you to build a community of empathy and grace around you, and to live your mission as part of something bigger than you are. With over 15 years of coaching experience, Christi has trained hundreds of new coaches and maintains a thriving practice focused on depth, presence, and authentic transformation.