Coach Approach Blog

Learn how to be really bad at things

The harder a new habit is, the more motivation it takes to change. And motivation and determination don't work for long. Sorry. 

I got so fed up with myself at how much weight I had gained after my third child was born that I decided to lose 50 pounds. I knew my "why" and was super motivated. A friend of mine had had a heart attack, and I really wanted to live to see my great-grandchildren and be able to play with them. I bought the calorie-counting app, I bought exercise attire, I bought a bik…

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Silence as an active interpersonal experience

Silence is more than committing to keeping your mouth shut, or leaving time for the client to think and reflect. It’s a deliberate activation of a state of being that invokes the presence of spirit beyond the boundaries of words. 

Consider relaxing, slowing down the mind and inviting the divine to show you what is most important to be aware of or to do. Tune in to spiritual resources of love, joy, gratitude or other spiritual values that you find most helpful. Request guidance and be expectant …

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My shocking discovery that modal operators never lie…

<p>In coaching school, I learned that certain sneaky words (we call them modal operators) speak volumes about how you do what you do.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Words like &ldquo;I&rsquo;d love to, I want to, I choose to, I will, I can, I will, I won&rsquo;t&rdquo; all show that a person is doing something out of their own inner conviction.</p>
<p>Using those words generally leads to a strong, happy, energetic way of doing things.</p>
<p>As opposed to words like &ldquo;I have to, I should, I ought to, I&rsquo;d …

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When is it ok to tell your story?

Sadness alert: When my dad very suddenly died in 2017, I had terrible amounts of pain in my chest and in my throat, in my stomach, and legs. It was all I could do to show up for a few carefully-chosen clients, and I cut down my hours significantly for months because my own pain was so easily triggered. I started my "extreme self-tenderness" routine because it was all so raw. 

I was so thankful in that season for the training I had received with Brené Brown's organization to become a facilitator…

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How is your metaphor holding you back?

I once had a client whose overarching metaphor in the coaching was bike riding. She told me that she felt like she was trying to ride on the back of someone else’s bike--her boss’s bike, her mom’s bike, her sister’s bike. And they kept “falling over” and “getting their legs tangled”.

We developed this metaphor with a lot of laughter, and it became a focal point of our sessions in many areas of her work and personal life.

She used "riding my own bike" to find the part of herself that was capabl…

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What is your body saying that you're not?

Just a few days ago, a client made a hand gesture, like grabbing something with determination and raising her fist up. It was a very powerful move, and clearly held meaning for her.

How would you respond as an expert listener?

- I could have ignored the gesture completely, and focused on her words (one of the most common coaching responses early on)

- I could have asked her to describe what she is experiencing as she raises her fist (ooooh, smart move, coach!)

- Or, I could let go of my need…

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The secret brain tips of napping babies

Do you wish you were a baby? Like you're trying to take it all in, but then you just need a nap? 

Seriously - think about watching a newborn baby attempting to take in sensory information. You will remember the startle reflex, the adjustments when the skin touches water, the quick eye movements when a new sound is heard, the response to light, color, texture, internal body sensations, etc.

The sheer number of sensations are overwhelming and the infant soon falls asleep and tries again after se…

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Why I'm not a hugger even though I love hugging

Hugging is a huge specialty of mine. I'm a pretty soft, snuggly person, and my family members count on me for big hugs throughout the day. I love it, and it's my favorite job as a mom.

Just this morning, my daughter came down the stairs with her arms wide open. Mine were wide open, too, and we held a long squeeze while I told her the usual, "You're so wonderful! I'm so glad I'm your mom." 

Still, there's a huge difference between what I do and who I am. I don't always hug everyone. Sometimes I…

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What I learned about community from killing mosquitos

I remember the flood of emotions one sunny morning when I saw my two-year-old daughter covered with large welts. We were on vacation in Tunisia, and I had thought to carefully cover her cot with a mosquito net, but apparently, one rascal had made it through and had spent the night with her.

Angrily, I grabbed my slipper and began smashing the mosquitos I saw hovering around on the walls. My fury increased as they splattered human blood onto the white-washed surfaces. 

My two-year-old grew very s…

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