What to Do When You’re Scared (Why Pushing Through Fear Isn’t Always Courage)

“Feel the fear and do it anyway” has been a rallying cry for personal growth for decades. I myself subscribed to it for longer than was healthy, living in a constant state of pushing and anxiety.

It sounds bold, brave, and empowering, and, like most things, there's some truth to it. But I'd like to invite you to a gentler, more sustainable approach.

If you’re overriding your fearful instincts and pushing forward, chances are it’s not your deepest SELF that’s leading. More likely, it's a "push through" part acting out of harmony with an "I'm scared" part.

What I've learned and what I teach

• Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the presence of calm, compassion, and clarity within yourself - even when outcomes are uncertain.

• Pushing through fear often comes from urgency or self-protection, not from your deepest wisdom.

• When inner voices are silenced, they do not disappear. They resurface as resentment, exhaustion, or disconnection.

• Sustainable courage arises when every part of you is met with curiosity and care.

• Leading from your centered, compassionate self creates decisions rooted in wholeness rather than force.

• This inner leadership is the foundation of transformational coaching, where change emerges naturally instead of being driven.

• At Awaken, we teach coaches to trust the client’s inherent wholeness and to lead from presence, not pressure.

When Pushing Forward Stops Feeling Like Courage

I notice this pattern most clearly toward the end of the year.

Some people are pushing on through, not because it feels aligned, but because something in them is afraid. Afraid of dropping the ball. Afraid of disappointing someone. Afraid of not performing well enough, resting too soon, or losing ground. Afraid that if they stop, even briefly, everything might fall apart.

When that fear goes unacknowledged, another part steps in to take charge. The part that says, just keep going. The part that believes safety comes from effort, output, and endurance.

Trying to silence any internal voice has the same effect as when any other voice is silenced.

It doesn’t disappear. It goes underground.

And when voices are silenced long enough, they don’t soften. They harden. They turn into resentment. Exhaustion. Sometimes even rebellion. The same is true inside us.

In Internal Family Systems coaching, one of the many streams that inform how we teach at Awaken, we understand that our inner world is made up of many parts. In this case, there's a part that wants to move forward. A part that’s scared. A part that’s trying to keep us safe by hesitating.

These parts are not obstacles to be silenced. They’re messengers. Using parts language is often a helpful way to get in touch with yourself. And, it doesn't mean you have a split personality - it's just how humans are.

When someone forces themselves to “do it anyway” without tending to the part that’s afraid, they’re often acting from tension, not peace. By overriding inner wisdom regularly, over time, self-trust is eroded.

But when I pause, breathe, and meet the fearful part of me with warmth and curiosity, my whole nervous system softens. If my "Inner Director" or the "Gentle Witness to my life" can respond to fear, hesitation, longing, desire, and all other parts with love, that’s when Self energy fully takes the lead.

It feels calm, clear, compassionate, and connected.

From that place, I may still choose to do the bold thing. But I do it differently. Not bracing myself. Not dragging fear along. It doesn't even feel particularly brave. It feels grounded. Peaceful. It feels like I'm moving forward with my whole self, every part heard, aligned, and ready.

This is how courage becomes sustainable. How action becomes self-honoring. How trust is built.

So next time fear arises, what if instead of asking, “How do I override this?” you asked, “Who in me is afraid? And what do they need?”

When that part feels seen, you may find that you can take the next step, or do the scary thing. Not despite the fear, but in partnership with your whole self. The choice comes from wholeness, not force.

And that changes everything.

If this end of year pushing feels familiar, you might also appreciate my reflection on self-directed love and the quiet bravery of acting in your own best interest, in The Radical Act of Loving Yourself.

What We Believe About Wholeness

At Awaken, we begin from a simple and unwavering belief: that every person is already whole, worthy, and deeply lovable. (Yes - you!)

We do not believe people need fixing, improving, or pushing to become who they are meant to be. We believe there is a natural intelligence, dignity, and wisdom at the center of every human being, one that knows how to move toward truth, connection, and life when it is met with presence and respect.

From this place of wholeness, qualities like calm, compassion, curiosity, courage, and clarity arise naturally. They are not traits to strive for or perform. They are expressions of who we are when we are not overriding ourselves or abandoning our own inner knowing.

Fear, urgency, and self-protective behaviors may show up along the way, but they do not define us. They are responses to lived experience, not evidence of brokenness. When these parts of us are met with kindness rather than force, they soften. And when they soften, our deeper wisdom leads.

This belief is the foundation of the transformational coaching we teach.

Coaching, at its best, is not about directing change. It is about creating the kind of loving, spacious presence in which a person can reconnect with who they already are.

I explore how when you live and coach from this place of alignment, transformation happens naturally, for both you and your clients in this video 'What Is Transformational Coaching? Becoming an Aligned Coach', part of our Coaching Mastery and Growth series on YouTube.