Coach Approach Blog

If you're like me, you grew up learning the "Golden Rule" -  treat others the way you want to be treated. 

It wasn't until later that I figured out that everyone is unique. The way I want to be treated isn't the same as the way another person wants to be treated. 

For example, my dad always taught me to ask for exactly what I want. He told me that asking for things clearly is kind and helpful to others (and more likely to meet with success). I appreciate it when someone tells me what they need…

My husband Ben and I love to bike to the Rhine River, sitting by its banks to enjoy the mesmerizing flow. Last week, it was a fearsome, rushing torrent ready to sweep away everything in its path. This week, it has dropped to a steady roar as it passes between giant boulders.

Spiritual coaching often draws wisdom from the profound teachings of nature. In the realm of spiritual growth, water serves as a guide.

In the grand confluence of streams, the journey of water mirrors our paths through the…

I had a situation recently when I was really hoping and longing for real partnership, ideas generation, and closeness with some people I really enjoy. I was feeling a bit lonely and wishing for more from them, and I was starting to get a little desperate.

The more I wanted, the less closeness I felt.

Until I remembered to move into "creative hopelessness".

Creative hopelessness is the idea that, when you see reality clearly and stop hoping for it to be different, your hope can be placed accu…

If you're like me, you want to care for and protect others, and make sure they feel great when they're with you.

Which sounds really warm and loving, but I've found out in my life that it can be a recipe for confusion, and can even lead to others moving away from the intimacy I want to create. When I don't speak the truth, when I'm fearful of being real, when I hide my true feelings, it can feel smothering or duplicitous - all in the name of care, protection, and love.

When I am more concerned…

As I continue my journey of discovering my neurodiverse nature, I’ve been reading lots and lots of books about the topic, from such a wide variety of wonderful autistic women. :-)

One of my favorites is “What I Mean When I Say Im Autistic” by Annie Kotowitz. Her writing about sensory stuff is sooooo useful for all of us, no matter what our neurotype. She writes,

“Trying to stop an emotion – in yourself or someone you love – is like trying to stop a wave.

I speak from experience as someone who…

When you think of prayer and meditation as "talking", you might be imagining a connection to the divine, in which you are bringing words and content to the experience. You might be reaching out to God or the universe, often using language, to bring your questions, pleas for help, gratitude, and praise.

When you think of prayer or meditation as "listening", your experience might be quite different. The content, with or without words, might emerge from a space of receptivity. You might cease your…

When I was a kid, I was raised in a tradition of reward and punishment, a religious mindset that put people into categories of good and evil, of chosen and not chosen. I knew myself to be in the evil category, and was praised for that knowledge. I hid my knowledge that I was not chosen.

But when I was 28 years old and in deep despair after a miscarriage, the beauty and honor of human life became perfectly evident to me. I was so sad about the loss of my child and so aware of her inherent worth …

I was in a coach training on a Friday afternoon with a man who considers himself a real champion of women's empowerment. At one point he taught our group of mainly women, “It’s so important that I, as a white man, learn to give away my power.”

From his perspective, I’m sure that felt true. To me, and the other women in the room, it felt gross. Something about the way he said it proved that he believed deep inside that he inherently has and deserves the power he has in excess, and we could feel …

When I first became a coach, I was on a high about all the changes my clients were making in their lives. It was all about achieving goals, success, promotions, career ladder-climbing, taking action, and excitement. At the same time, it took a lot of my energy. I felt like I was constantly needing to infuse a boost into my clients’ lives, and they would still come back looking for more without making the lasting changes I knew they could. 

It took me years to piece together the levels of depth …