Coach Approach Blog

I've loved receiving coaching from my buddy Lisa Pachence, MCC, who's an executive coach for overachievers. She's so great at helping people have a great life, and she's agreed to write this guest blog. Lisa writes: 

Appreciating both our strengths and our lovable weaknesses is vital. We are most lovable and easy to connect with when we embrace our humanity in its entirety.

But that's a LOT easier said than done sometimes. 

Once upon a time, I was in a situation where I was taking a lot of criticism from someone we'll call "The Grinch". This person was harsh, focusing on small details they didn't like, and speaking up early and often about how I should be doing things better. 

Harsh criticism is my krypto…

Understanding pro-relational boundaries has been a huge part of my journey as a coach. I used to think that setting boundaries was mainly about saying “no” to people (and also being a selfish jerk). 

My religious upbringing, as well as living as a woman in our patriarchal, hierarchical society, eroded my sense of boundaries by emphasizing self-sacrifice, obedience, compliance, and unconditional forgiveness, often at the expense of my well-being. 

I often felt guilty or unworthy of prioritizing…

We've all heard the quote from Jesus: "the truth will set you free." 

Often, I believe thoughts that go through my head, even though they're not true. In my own life, I create chaos when I'm living in unhelpful thought patterns like: 

• "I'm not lovable."
• "I'm defective."
• "People don't want to be with me."

The Work of Byron Katie is a beautiful coaching method of inquiry that invites us to challenge our distorted thoughts and beliefs, leading to a more peaceful and loving relationship wit…

When I lived in Kenya, I used to coach a couple who would drive together from quite a distance. I coached each of them separately under a small grass hut, and the other spouse would often be visible from inside the nearby restaurant.

They would laugh at how thoughtful, relaxed, and still I was with the husband. And how animated, vivacious, laughing, and full of movement I was with the wife. Was I a chameleon?

I’ve often thought about this dynamic - the need for my coaching presence to be adapt…

One of my coach trainers, Alan Seale, has developed eight profound, simple, direct questions to approach complex situations in a way that goes beyond the analytical mind and cuts through to the essence. I find that asking myself a few of these before making a decision or moving to action can open up new possibilities of love and softness. 

You might inhale deep into your belly and open your heart, as you begin asking yourself the eight questions about whatever's going on in your life right now.…

We all see the world through filters, without even knowing it.

Our early experiences shape any new data that comes into our awareness, and we just live that "reality" as if it were true.

Those distortions and generalizations are then called beliefs, but we're often completely unaware that we're even holding the beliefs - they just feel like truth. 

Those beliefs don't have a full update on how old we are, how wise we are, how we could be noticing different things, or interpreting what we do n…

When I was about five years old, my parents took a vow of poverty, and pledged to give away most of their income for the rest of their lives. Which was hard for me as one of the older children, expected to participate in giving and giving and giving, without having needs of my own. I was to be a giver, not a taker.

Over time, I developed a love/hate relationship with generosity. I wanted to be generous, but I was upset that it came with so much pain. I wanted good things for myself, but was afr…

Over the past few years, I've been practicing Letting Go. It feels horrible - harsh, disloyal, rude, unkind, selfish.... all the way until I actually DO it. Then, it feels like freedom, relief, energy, goodness, and aliveness. 

So, I'm on a journey to let go a whole h*ck of a lot sooner, and trust my gut to do so. 

When I was in college in the late 80s (yes, I'm totally owning being 52), I started dating this guy we'll call "Dave". I'm not even sure how we started dating - it seems like he wan…

Before I became a coach, and I was struggling to decide if I wanted to invest in a coach training course, I remember being asked, "What's holding you back?"

The answer shocked me, because I could hear this old voice in my head saying, "Who do you think you are? Your life is a mess. You're a basket case. What makes you think you have anything to offer?"

However, when I was reading the book Whole Child Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends, she told a story in which her child said to her, "But, …